30 Thoughts on 30 #2: Plenty of Room in the Crotch

Buying jeans with your mom stinks. It’s miserable. Kevin Arnold of The Wonder Years felt the pain, in junior high, when his mom wouldn’t let him play tackle football with the neighborhood kids and took him pants shopping. She informed the world that day that he had “plenty of room” in his crotch. Ouch.

If misery accompanies shopping for jeans with Mom during adolescence, than it’s replaced by outright embarrassment when you’re 30 years old, on vacation with your family, and cornered in a Banana Republic factory store shopping with your mom, sister, and niece.

“Ooooh, I don’t know about those jeans,” Mom said after a trip to the changing room.

“Why!” I snapped. Exasperation swelled inside me. Mom’s line of questioning sounded familiar. I’d been down this road before.

“I just don’t think they fit,” she said, her scrunched face demoralizing me into a child all over again.

“Whatever. They’re fine,” I replied.

“Ummm, yeah, Uncle Kelly, Grandma’s right.” My 4-year old niece judged my poor sense with quizzical eyes. “Umm. Umm,” she continued. “They’re too tight. You need a bigger pair.”

I knew there was no winning this argument.

“Fine,” I conceded. “I’ll get a size bigger.”

Assholes, all assholes, I thought to myself as I jerked another pair of dark blue jeans from the shelf and dragged my defeated feet back to the dressing room. Thanks, dad, I mumbled. Thanks for leaving me alone with this fine flock of nit-picking females. And to think, at one time it was at I. Lytle’s Inc. where you could get the best seam in town. Bastard.

Shopping for jeans with your Mom at any age is a bad idea. Doing so at 30 is just plain silly.

Get better, Kelly.

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4 comments

  1. Hilarious! Taking women with you shopping: Yes, taking women you are related to with you shopping: NO!

    ralph lazaro VP DIGITAL PRODUCTS GROUP | FINDAWAYER

    877-893-0808 x216 direct | 704-816-9733 mobile rlazaro@findawayworld.com

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    From: Kelly Lytle <comment-reply@wordpress.com> Reply-To: Kelly Lytle <comment+_wb1oh62xrqj5012ml2hz4@comment.wordpress.com> Date: Thursday, August 15, 2013 8:28 PM To: Ralph Lazaro <rlazaro@findawayworld.com> Subject: [New post] 30 Thoughts on 30 #2: Plenty of Room in the Crotch

    Kelly Lytle posted: “Buying jeans with your mom stinks. Its miserable. Kevin Arnold of The Wonder Years felt the pain, in junior high, when his mom wouldnt let him play tackle football with the neighborhood kids and took him pants shopping. She informed the world that day t”

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